最愛

以前忘了告诉你。。。最爱的是你。。。现在想起来。。。最爱的是你。。。

領悟

我以为我会哭 但是我没有
我只是怔怔望著你的脚步 给你我最后的祝福
这何尝不是一种领悟 让我把自己看清楚
虽然无爱的痛苦 将日日夜夜在我灵魂最深处
我以为我会报复 但是我没有
当我看到我深爱过的女人 竟然像孩子一样无助
这何尝不是一种领悟 让你把自己看清楚
被爱是奢侈的幸福 可惜你从来不在乎
啊 一段感情就此结束
啊 一颗心眼看要荒芜
我们的爱若是错误 愿你我没有白白受苦
若曾真心真意付出 就应该满足
啊 多么痛的领悟 你曾是我的全部
只是我回首来时路的每一步 都走的好孤独
啊 多么痛的领悟 你曾是我的全部
只愿你挣脱情的枷锁 爱的束缚
任意追逐 别再为爱受苦

我以为我会报复 但是我没有
当我看到我深爱过的女人 竟然像孩子一样无助
这何尝不是一种领悟 让你把自己看清楚
被爱是奢侈的幸福 可惜你从来不在乎
啊 一段感情就此结束
啊 一颗心眼看要荒芜
我们的爱若是错误 愿你我没有白白受苦
若曾真心真意付出 就应该满足
啊 多么痛的领悟 你曾是我的全部
只是我回首来时路的每一步 都走的好孤独
多么痛的领悟 你曾是我的全部
只愿你挣脱情的枷锁 爱的束缚
任意追逐 别再为爱受苦

給亲爱的你，
但愿你真的找到你的幸福。。。
就是因为太爱你，所以我选择绝对或者零，不要一些或者中间。。。
每一次当我见到你在看我，只是会再一次提醒我没有你的痛。我不想这三个月来的努力，白白的浪费了。。。
我把工作来麻醉我想你的痛，也过得好好的。这不就是你想要看见的吗？
放手吧！不要再来拨动我的心跳。。。如果你不要我了，我求你放开我。
虽然。。我还是希望和你在一起。。。

Midnight rants...

I feel like kinda wasted to sleep so early on Saturday night, especially ever since I've started this job...working 6 days a week, and only got a day off, even though I'm half brain dead now, but still...I would like to spend some quality times for myself...

Again I say...this is my blog, my own blog. I can post and say whatever I want...But I would not criticize...just an alternative way to express my feelings that's all...
What is life actually? No exact answer...And what is love? This I can tell...
Love...is unconditioned. No limits. No form. But full of flavors. I have spent 37.5 years to figure out what the hack is love, I know I'm not expert, but there is something that always true...without giving love...you will never take back any love.Simple as that...

I know sure you gonna tell me...why you've given tons of love away, why you haven't got any back in reward? Relax lah bro...belum sampai mah! Then if only you are giving love without expectation...then you can get back more than 10 times of rewards...

If you are giving love...with expectation...this is not love...but desire...lust...
I know I am talking craps...who cares?

Example, I have ignored Ally since we have broke off 4 years ago...for 3 years. Because I felt that I have given her all I had. Love, money everything...I deleted everything about her from my phone, fb, email....Even her photos. Nothing had left in my life. And we'd never spoke to each other again. There were so much hurts that I thought we would never like last time again...Until last year...I suddenly sent her an email, that I wanted to return back her watch that I have kept so long. In the email...I told her that dad has passed away, I have lost my gf things like that. After few days...I received a mail from her. Then we started to make friend again. I added her from Niu's fb acct. Started to trade ingredient from our restaurant city...but we never chat...

I didn't expect more than that...to me, this is a blessing that we could ever be friend again. Then later on...we met at her mom's house, that I know she misses Niu alot. Of course I misses BooBoo too...That was last year August. We started back our relationship as friends...Still...I found grateful. Without any expectations...

We chatted quite frequent at fb...she always know what I want. She always know when i got in trouble..and I can tell...I had never been feeling so good before...this is something beyond relationship...this is some kinda soulmate thingy...

Yes, both of us had never mentioned again what had happened to us before. Never! None of us wanted to find out....But now I can tell...we are beyond what we had before. She already has someone that she love. I never asked...and she never told. But it's alright. As long as I know she is happy. People changed. Ally changed. She is a better person now. I will always love her...nothing could ever replaced.

This is the love without expectation...now I got it rewarded from what I had...And I'm happy with the result. I love her...but without the desires and lust. Something more than just a friend...less than a partner...I feel good! Something really weird...whenever I feel down or emo...for sure I will receive her call from out of the sudden...even now I am broke, I sold my car, I sold my iPhone...but she is still there...this is too sweet to resist...this is love! I love you Ally...always!

Now...I always keeping my hope, ever since I have committed all to God, that I will meet my true love someday...just let it flow...whomever she is...I am sure it is fated.

And to you bay...allow me to call you still...to me, it's just a name. I know you've been peeping around...actually I do mind. Because it may be giving me wrong signals or what. Giving me wrong hopes...because I am still not fully recovered, Allow me to say something, do not do this just because of your loneliness...because my love to you is always true. I am thankful to you that you've finally talked to me in a polite way. The most important is that...you can really let go your hatred. (if you can). I am sorry that I have lied to your ex that I don't love you anymore...

You're a great person. It's just you're too insecure...try to love yourself more? You know when I was with you...I told myself that I would not allow you to hurt yourself under my monitoring? I know I failed...so please take care of yourself now. You still got long way to go...go prepare yourself before you met your true love...a person who is loving themselves, that only can find a true love....I will always here as I said...as a friend..a lover or more..who knows? But first...you need to figure out, how to love yourselves...

Bon jour~Mont cheri!

Feelings...

I can't hide this feeling anymore...never been so excited. No, it's like...so long never been so excited like now...

This I better go and make myself a glass of glenmorangie with soda...and slowly I will tell you. Now I deserve a drink first. Even though I am half dead already after 2 days in the battle field...

What is so lan si about? Haven't touched a sip at all since April...But today I need a drink, atleast half a bottle...hehehhe! Because...I got promoted~~ Yay!!!hoohoohoo...hahaha...bravo Bakahippo! Oh papa~~ I got promoted. Can you hear me??

Yeah! It's just a promotion...why am I feeling so high? How bout the staff of the month? Or using all your paperworks as a template for a training purposes? This is so contented.

The feeling is just like :" gua sula lapat latuk!" lolz!!!
Welcome back Bakahippo...

Dear Mr. Coke,

3 months ago...I told you I'm gonna take back whatever I've contributed to you...
Your bottles collection from overseas + money that I've paid to buy you...
The high sugar level that you've given that caused me 12 years of diabetes...

I've made my promise, that you gonna repay back...
I've been working for you since 7th of April...finally you have spotted me after 2 months exactly. Thank you...

Tomorrow is gonna be my big day...that you gonna train me and evaluate all my hardworks and contribution. I know that you are not blind, just give me what I deserved.

I am not greedy Mr. Coke, I just want a good pay. Don't promote me as I think I am more comfy with my current position... ;P

Here...let me introduce myself one more time. I am single...always. So I have more time and effort to contribute the company. I am working like a cow...strong, aggresive and hardworking...I am smart enough to borak with the clients....

So...Mr. Coke, please give me more increament.

Sincerely,

Your hardworking staff...