Midnight rants...

I feel like kinda wasted to sleep so early on Saturday night, especially ever since I've started this job...working 6 days a week, and only got a day off, even though I'm half brain dead now, but still...I would like to spend some quality times for myself...

Again I say...this is my blog, my own blog. I can post and say whatever I want...But I would not criticize...just an alternative way to express my feelings that's all...
What is life actually? No exact answer...And what is love? This I can tell...
Love...is unconditioned. No limits. No form. But full of flavors. I have spent 37.5 years to figure out what the hack is love, I know I'm not expert, but there is something that always true...without giving love...you will never take back any love.Simple as that...

I know sure you gonna tell me...why you've given tons of love away, why you haven't got any back in reward? Relax lah bro...belum sampai mah! Then if only you are giving love without expectation...then you can get back more than 10 times of rewards...

If you are giving love...with expectation...this is not love...but desire...lust...
I know I am talking craps...who cares?

Example, I have ignored Ally since we have broke off 4 years ago...for 3 years. Because I felt that I have given her all I had. Love, money everything...I deleted everything about her from my phone, fb, email....Even her photos. Nothing had left in my life. And we'd never spoke to each other again. There were so much hurts that I thought we would never like last time again...Until last year...I suddenly sent her an email, that I wanted to return back her watch that I have kept so long. In the email...I told her that dad has passed away, I have lost my gf things like that. After few days...I received a mail from her. Then we started to make friend again. I added her from Niu's fb acct. Started to trade ingredient from our restaurant city...but we never chat...

I didn't expect more than that...to me, this is a blessing that we could ever be friend again. Then later on...we met at her mom's house, that I know she misses Niu alot. Of course I misses BooBoo too...That was last year August. We started back our relationship as friends...Still...I found grateful. Without any expectations...

We chatted quite frequent at fb...she always know what I want. She always know when i got in trouble..and I can tell...I had never been feeling so good before...this is something beyond relationship...this is some kinda soulmate thingy...

Yes, both of us had never mentioned again what had happened to us before. Never! None of us wanted to find out....But now I can tell...we are beyond what we had before. She already has someone that she love. I never asked...and she never told. But it's alright. As long as I know she is happy. People changed. Ally changed. She is a better person now. I will always love her...nothing could ever replaced.

This is the love without expectation...now I got it rewarded from what I had...And I'm happy with the result. I love her...but without the desires and lust. Something more than just a friend...less than a partner...I feel good! Something really weird...whenever I feel down or emo...for sure I will receive her call from out of the sudden...even now I am broke, I sold my car, I sold my iPhone...but she is still there...this is too sweet to resist...this is love! I love you Ally...always!

Now...I always keeping my hope, ever since I have committed all to God, that I will meet my true love someday...just let it flow...whomever she is...I am sure it is fated.

And to you bay...allow me to call you still...to me, it's just a name. I know you've been peeping around...actually I do mind. Because it may be giving me wrong signals or what. Giving me wrong hopes...because I am still not fully recovered, Allow me to say something, do not do this just because of your loneliness...because my love to you is always true. I am thankful to you that you've finally talked to me in a polite way. The most important is that...you can really let go your hatred. (if you can). I am sorry that I have lied to your ex that I don't love you anymore...

You're a great person. It's just you're too insecure...try to love yourself more? You know when I was with you...I told myself that I would not allow you to hurt yourself under my monitoring? I know I failed...so please take care of yourself now. You still got long way to go...go prepare yourself before you met your true love...a person who is loving themselves, that only can find a true love....I will always here as I said...as a friend..a lover or more..who knows? But first...you need to figure out, how to love yourselves...

Bon jour~Mont cheri!