Dear Friend,
I may not be the one your choice, am not holding anything against you. It pains me to see where injustice and sadness is part of everyday life, do believe that someone will be there to call you up and say everything will be okay. Nothing heals like time. We might have our differences and you might not be ready to patch things up just yet, be sure to know that I will always be here for you. I will be ready to help you when you ask for it and be ready for you to approach me when you are ready to do so. Instead, please allow yourself to grow stronger and accept I accept you as you are. That's what true friends are for.
Thank you Nikki, it really touched me. And I believe that it could really pass this message to her as well. All I need to be now is a stronger person, to love her and protect her. And of course, to accept whatever it is...I know you can get through this hard time too. Just have a little faith in her, believe that she loves you as her best friend too. Just give her a bit more time.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
I love you..
I love you bay, for more than I could give. Until my very last breath that I wanna tell u, I love you...
Hold on there, this is your life lesson that you have to learn, til you've found that you are already a better person. I will always there, as long as you call my name.
Hold on there, this is your life lesson that you have to learn, til you've found that you are already a better person. I will always there, as long as you call my name.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The adventures...
Can't wait to go back to see my baby niece EnEn...Cute and chubby le? This fei mui zai is my best friend's Agnes's princess. I just can't stop thinking of her, can't wait to hug her, kiss her, sniff her and...pinch her...hehehe!
Yesterday's adventures was too 'chi kek' I ended up was taking my sip of Tiger beer alone at my desktop.
Will tell the stories when I get back. Balik kampung later. Haven't packed yet. Have to go back to my office at SS19 to submit all my reports and claims then heading to Old Klang Road for my urut urut....ah~~~I've had enough of stress yesterday...
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
像瘋了一樣。。。
想知道你是否還是一樣
有沒有學會比較堅強
你快樂的背後 有失望
你何曾在意當時我也是這樣被你傷
想明白為何對我那麼冷淡
有回來故事會不會是這樣
明知道你不會再回頭看
我還是一直以為一直以為有希望
像瘋了一樣 越想你就越心傷
我多麼愛你 卻難逃你的魔掌
像瘋了一樣 你缺少了安全感
你讓我多麼難堪 卻還是一樣把我傷
想明白為何對我那麼冷淡
有回來故事會不會是這樣
明知道你不會再回頭看
我還是一直以為一直以為有希望
像瘋了一樣 越想你就越心傷
我多麼愛你 卻難逃你的魔掌
像瘋了一樣 你缺少了安全感
你讓我多麼難堪 卻還是一樣把我傷
像瘋了一樣 越想你就越心傷
我多麼愛你 卻難逃你的魔掌
像瘋了一樣 你缺少了安全感
你讓我多麼難堪 卻還是一樣把我傷
The sweetest memories...
That I'm having in my life, was the 7 months with you. I finally have guts to read back all the post while we were together. I was smiling throughout the whole readings in my bed. So I decided to write this post although my eyes are barely open right now. It's just too excited that I wanted to write something...
Remember I said we all deserved to keep memories? No matter it has been good or bad? It's just a scar without pain by the end of the days. It reminds us to be a better person. I've found that there were more happiness compared to sadness while we were together. We might have some arguments sometimes but who doesn't? You may say that you've forgotten what we have gone through, but I just wouldn't forget for the rest of my life, because to me you are the most precious person that I love and care about. Even now and then, I shall never forget. I remember how I made you laugh, how did I managed to keep you warm. How I cheered you up. And how I learned all the sweet talks so hard to make you happy.And I also remember this icon- XD...These are all the sweetest memories to me B...I remember how we loved.
But still I found that I was not good enough to keep you feeling secure and happy. The old me was bad temper and stubborn. I thought I was good, good enough to walk with you for the rest of my life. I didn't give you any promises and I thought that you will have mutual understanding with me. I treated you as a worm in my stomach and expected you to know me everything. I pushed myself so hard to make sure that you won't compare me with the rest of your exes. But still...I have nothing different compared with them. I let you walked out of my life and didn't even brave enough to save you back.
I was having my biggest downfall ever since you have left me. I blamed it all on you. I forced myself to hate you so that I could move on. The more I pressured myself, the more miserable I was. Sooner, I have turned myself into a monster. Someone that I didn't even could recognize myself anymore. I've hurted my friends and family who loves me. Our kids are still having phobia whenever I raise my temper. I have turned KaKa into a nervous kid, even until now.
And then one day, when there was almost hopeless for everything, I told myself that I couldn't take it anymore. It is either I kill myself straight away, or I pull myself up. I read books and learned some meditation. Purpose was to cleanse away all my negative thoughts and all the traumas that I've been through. I finally found that all I have been went through, was actually the gift of my life, included you. It's God's will that wanted me to learn, to adventure what love is. To skills the power of love. Now I have found myself, the real me. Who live my life everyday with purpose. Who deserve the best. Who is loved...
Remember I said we all deserved to keep memories? No matter it has been good or bad? It's just a scar without pain by the end of the days. It reminds us to be a better person. I've found that there were more happiness compared to sadness while we were together. We might have some arguments sometimes but who doesn't? You may say that you've forgotten what we have gone through, but I just wouldn't forget for the rest of my life, because to me you are the most precious person that I love and care about. Even now and then, I shall never forget. I remember how I made you laugh, how did I managed to keep you warm. How I cheered you up. And how I learned all the sweet talks so hard to make you happy.And I also remember this icon- XD...These are all the sweetest memories to me B...I remember how we loved.
But still I found that I was not good enough to keep you feeling secure and happy. The old me was bad temper and stubborn. I thought I was good, good enough to walk with you for the rest of my life. I didn't give you any promises and I thought that you will have mutual understanding with me. I treated you as a worm in my stomach and expected you to know me everything. I pushed myself so hard to make sure that you won't compare me with the rest of your exes. But still...I have nothing different compared with them. I let you walked out of my life and didn't even brave enough to save you back.
I was having my biggest downfall ever since you have left me. I blamed it all on you. I forced myself to hate you so that I could move on. The more I pressured myself, the more miserable I was. Sooner, I have turned myself into a monster. Someone that I didn't even could recognize myself anymore. I've hurted my friends and family who loves me. Our kids are still having phobia whenever I raise my temper. I have turned KaKa into a nervous kid, even until now.
And then one day, when there was almost hopeless for everything, I told myself that I couldn't take it anymore. It is either I kill myself straight away, or I pull myself up. I read books and learned some meditation. Purpose was to cleanse away all my negative thoughts and all the traumas that I've been through. I finally found that all I have been went through, was actually the gift of my life, included you. It's God's will that wanted me to learn, to adventure what love is. To skills the power of love. Now I have found myself, the real me. Who live my life everyday with purpose. Who deserve the best. Who is loved...
Weekend ranting...
Went out with J last night. We went to Damansara Jaya and had few jugs of beers. She seems a bit moody at first she called me. So later when we met she told me that she is having her first day period, usual la...a lil bit of hormone imbalance...
Met a few friends there which I haven't seen for years, was mingling around. Then J saw a friend that we both knew as well. She started to come and chit chat with her for the whole night and left me aside. Sometimes touched my hair a while, sometimes held my hand, but the attention was still with that friend. We didn't talk much about the incident that happened few weeks ago. Just pretend nothing ever happened. After we finished the 3 jugs of beers, she told me that her friend L was asking us to go to another place. At first I was thinking maybe another pub or what, who knows it is a mini casino at ss2. I was a bit angry when I walked in and saw that kinda scenery. Cause I don't fancy all these stuff. Although there are unlimited beer supply. But it was bored. L started to lose quite alot of money, she kept swiping her card and ended up lost 18k. Imagine...how good if I've got 18k to spend instead of feeding this stupid machine. And J...also campur tangan for 'giving support'! I hate to see this and yet I was the one who drove her there so I just can't leave her there and go home. I have to wait...until she saw me fishing at the corner, then only she decided to leave...
To me, it was supposed to be another pleasant night to spend with my painkiller. But once I've seen her started to make so many excuses so that she could stay and gamble, I decided that I am not gonna take this pain killer anymore. Another thing is, she kept telling me who and who is going after her, who and who always humsup her, Ms.S wanted to patch back with her so badly.... whatever things that can possible make me jealous, I just smiles to her that's it.
Yes, I might be a vinegar pot sometimes but depend on who is that person. Wouldn't be bother so much if you don't really care about that person. She might can be a very good friend of mine, nothing else. Yes, this is my decision! And I've got no bad feelings towards my decision at all.
So while I was feeling so bored at the casino, I posted a status to my fb. Without sober, half drunk and half sleepy...I wrote: Yes I want you, but you are not the most I wanted. Not before, not presence and not in the future.
I knew she read that post. I was notified that she also posted a comment, but she has removed it as well. Although I couldn't see what she wrote, but definitely she has already angry with me. Is ok...this is what I want, right? No point to waste the time with someone that you don't love, or nothing in common with you. I just have to say...I love you J, sorry, please forgive me & thank you...The ho'oponopono...
Was kinda hung over this morning, til my alarm clock rang until burst I also didn't realize. So...I missed a day work. Supposed to be a shitty day, woke up with so much guilt. Then Anne called, said she is just at the cafe that outside of my house, with Nicole. Asked me if I wanna join. I said I had enough drinks last night and feeling so shitty. She asked me to join and eat over there. So I went. They already started to drink in the afternoon. I ordered a coffee and food. Mati mati also refused to drink no matter how they tempted me. I told them about the last night incident and some conversations that slowly brighten me up. I told Anne before, whenever I sees illuminating, I feels loved. I asked her to find a sign also. So she picked beeboobeeboo...a police car or an ambulance sound. That's how the way my bro sending her love...hahaha. Sweet though...And Nicole picked a sunny day, which is sweet also.
Just when we talked happily, I received a message from B. It's just some question that she wanted me to answer, but to me, the surprise really made my day. I was jumping up and down like crazy, I was smiling all the way til I reached home. Feeling so blessed and happy...thank you, thank you & thank you...woohoo~~~
What a wonderful day, I told her...although it was raining for the whole day. Although Nicole didn't see any clear sunny sky for few days already, although Anne don't hear any beeboobeeboo...But 3 of us was so cheerful, and we laugh all the way home.
Met a few friends there which I haven't seen for years, was mingling around. Then J saw a friend that we both knew as well. She started to come and chit chat with her for the whole night and left me aside. Sometimes touched my hair a while, sometimes held my hand, but the attention was still with that friend. We didn't talk much about the incident that happened few weeks ago. Just pretend nothing ever happened. After we finished the 3 jugs of beers, she told me that her friend L was asking us to go to another place. At first I was thinking maybe another pub or what, who knows it is a mini casino at ss2. I was a bit angry when I walked in and saw that kinda scenery. Cause I don't fancy all these stuff. Although there are unlimited beer supply. But it was bored. L started to lose quite alot of money, she kept swiping her card and ended up lost 18k. Imagine...how good if I've got 18k to spend instead of feeding this stupid machine. And J...also campur tangan for 'giving support'! I hate to see this and yet I was the one who drove her there so I just can't leave her there and go home. I have to wait...until she saw me fishing at the corner, then only she decided to leave...
To me, it was supposed to be another pleasant night to spend with my painkiller. But once I've seen her started to make so many excuses so that she could stay and gamble, I decided that I am not gonna take this pain killer anymore. Another thing is, she kept telling me who and who is going after her, who and who always humsup her, Ms.S wanted to patch back with her so badly.... whatever things that can possible make me jealous, I just smiles to her that's it.
Yes, I might be a vinegar pot sometimes but depend on who is that person. Wouldn't be bother so much if you don't really care about that person. She might can be a very good friend of mine, nothing else. Yes, this is my decision! And I've got no bad feelings towards my decision at all.
So while I was feeling so bored at the casino, I posted a status to my fb. Without sober, half drunk and half sleepy...I wrote: Yes I want you, but you are not the most I wanted. Not before, not presence and not in the future.
I knew she read that post. I was notified that she also posted a comment, but she has removed it as well. Although I couldn't see what she wrote, but definitely she has already angry with me. Is ok...this is what I want, right? No point to waste the time with someone that you don't love, or nothing in common with you. I just have to say...I love you J, sorry, please forgive me & thank you...The ho'oponopono...
Was kinda hung over this morning, til my alarm clock rang until burst I also didn't realize. So...I missed a day work. Supposed to be a shitty day, woke up with so much guilt. Then Anne called, said she is just at the cafe that outside of my house, with Nicole. Asked me if I wanna join. I said I had enough drinks last night and feeling so shitty. She asked me to join and eat over there. So I went. They already started to drink in the afternoon. I ordered a coffee and food. Mati mati also refused to drink no matter how they tempted me. I told them about the last night incident and some conversations that slowly brighten me up. I told Anne before, whenever I sees illuminating, I feels loved. I asked her to find a sign also. So she picked beeboobeeboo...a police car or an ambulance sound. That's how the way my bro sending her love...hahaha. Sweet though...And Nicole picked a sunny day, which is sweet also.
Just when we talked happily, I received a message from B. It's just some question that she wanted me to answer, but to me, the surprise really made my day. I was jumping up and down like crazy, I was smiling all the way til I reached home. Feeling so blessed and happy...thank you, thank you & thank you...woohoo~~~
What a wonderful day, I told her...although it was raining for the whole day. Although Nicole didn't see any clear sunny sky for few days already, although Anne don't hear any beeboobeeboo...But 3 of us was so cheerful, and we laugh all the way home.
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