The sweetest memories...

That I'm having in my life, was the 7 months with you. I finally have guts to read back all the post while we were together. I was smiling throughout the whole readings in my bed. So I decided to write this post although my eyes are barely open right now. It's just too excited that I wanted to write something...

Remember I said we all deserved to keep memories? No matter it has been good or bad? It's just a scar without pain by the end of the days. It reminds us to be a better person. I've found that there were more happiness compared to sadness while we were together. We might have some arguments sometimes but who doesn't? You may say that you've forgotten what we have gone through, but I just wouldn't forget for the rest of my life, because to me you are the most precious person that I love and care about. Even now and then, I shall never forget. I remember how I made you laugh, how did I managed to keep you warm. How I cheered you up. And how I learned all the sweet talks so hard to make you happy.And I also remember this icon- XD...These are all the sweetest memories to me B...I remember how we loved.

But still I found that I was not good enough to keep you feeling secure and happy. The old me was bad temper and stubborn. I thought I was good, good enough to walk with you for the rest of my life. I didn't give you any promises and I thought that you will have mutual understanding with me. I treated you as a worm in my stomach and expected you to know me everything. I pushed myself so hard to make sure that you won't compare me with the rest of your exes. But still...I have nothing different compared with them. I let you walked out of my life and didn't even brave enough to save you back.

I was having my biggest downfall ever since you have left me. I blamed it all on you. I forced myself to hate you so that I could move on. The more I pressured myself, the more miserable I was. Sooner, I have turned myself into a monster. Someone that I didn't even could recognize myself anymore. I've hurted my friends and family who loves me. Our kids are still having phobia whenever I raise my temper. I have turned KaKa into a nervous kid, even until now.

And then one day, when there was almost hopeless for everything, I told myself that I couldn't take it anymore. It is either I kill myself straight away, or I pull myself up. I read books and learned some meditation. Purpose was to cleanse away all my negative thoughts and all the traumas that I've been through. I finally found that all I have been went through, was actually the gift of my life, included you. It's God's will that wanted me to learn, to adventure what love is. To skills the power of love. Now I have found myself, the real me. Who live my life everyday with purpose. Who deserve the best. Who is loved...