Lonely Christmas

還是要幸福

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts

當你離開的時候

我只能低著頭發呆　讓回憶滲透腦袋　漸漸變空白 我把它當作個意外　但內心還想不開　以為我明白　其實你都還在 我想起了遇見你的時候　想起你眼神中的溫柔 想起了我們第一次牽手　我閉上眼 想起當時你懷裡的顫抖　似乎那麼害怕失去我 然而到後來我什麼都沒有　當你離開的時候 我可以裝作已釋懷　他對我也算關懷　他看不出來 我知道這樣不應該　在他身上找依賴　算不算是種出賣　因為你一直在 我想起了遇見你的時候　想起你眼神中的溫柔 想起了我們第一次牽手　我閉上眼 想起當時你懷裡的顫抖　似乎那麼害怕失去我 然而到後來我什麼都沒有　當你離開的時候 我想起你親吻我的時候　想起你眼神中的沉默 想起了我們平靜地分手　我閉上眼 想起當時你每一個承諾　把你整個心都交給我 然而到後來我什麼都沒有　越是沒有你越是心痛 我想起了遇見你的時候　想起你眼神中的溫柔 想起了我們第一次牽手　我閉上眼 想起當時你懷裡的顫抖　似乎那麼害怕失去我 然而到後來我什麼都沒有　當你離開的時候

双栖动物

失憶症

无法忘记。。。。深爱过的你。。。

眷戀 。。。

誰都不能将我改变，对你的爱早已不顾错对。。。无悔。。。

记念

哭...

蔡健雅-若你碰到他

你的歌

聽說愛情回來過。。。

最愛

以前忘了告诉你。。。最爱的是你。。。现在想起来。。。最爱的是你。。。

領悟

我以为我会哭 但是我没有
我只是怔怔望著你的脚步 给你我最后的祝福
这何尝不是一种领悟 让我把自己看清楚
虽然无爱的痛苦 将日日夜夜在我灵魂最深处
我以为我会报复 但是我没有
当我看到我深爱过的女人 竟然像孩子一样无助
这何尝不是一种领悟 让你把自己看清楚
被爱是奢侈的幸福 可惜你从来不在乎
啊 一段感情就此结束
啊 一颗心眼看要荒芜
我们的爱若是错误 愿你我没有白白受苦
若曾真心真意付出 就应该满足
啊 多么痛的领悟 你曾是我的全部
只是我回首来时路的每一步 都走的好孤独
啊 多么痛的领悟 你曾是我的全部
只愿你挣脱情的枷锁 爱的束缚
任意追逐 别再为爱受苦

我以为我会报复 但是我没有
当我看到我深爱过的女人 竟然像孩子一样无助
这何尝不是一种领悟 让你把自己看清楚
被爱是奢侈的幸福 可惜你从来不在乎
啊 一段感情就此结束
啊 一颗心眼看要荒芜
我们的爱若是错误 愿你我没有白白受苦
若曾真心真意付出 就应该满足
啊 多么痛的领悟 你曾是我的全部
只是我回首来时路的每一步 都走的好孤独
多么痛的领悟 你曾是我的全部
只愿你挣脱情的枷锁 爱的束缚
任意追逐 别再为爱受苦

給亲爱的你，
但愿你真的找到你的幸福。。。
就是因为太爱你，所以我选择绝对或者零，不要一些或者中间。。。
每一次当我见到你在看我，只是会再一次提醒我没有你的痛。我不想这三个月来的努力，白白的浪费了。。。
我把工作来麻醉我想你的痛，也过得好好的。这不就是你想要看见的吗？
放手吧！不要再来拨动我的心跳。。。如果你不要我了，我求你放开我。
虽然。。我还是希望和你在一起。。。

Midnight rants...

I feel like kinda wasted to sleep so early on Saturday night, especially ever since I've started this job...working 6 days a week, and only got a day off, even though I'm half brain dead now, but still...I would like to spend some quality times for myself...

Again I say...this is my blog, my own blog. I can post and say whatever I want...But I would not criticize...just an alternative way to express my feelings that's all...
What is life actually? No exact answer...And what is love? This I can tell...
Love...is unconditioned. No limits. No form. But full of flavors. I have spent 37.5 years to figure out what the hack is love, I know I'm not expert, but there is something that always true...without giving love...you will never take back any love.Simple as that...

I know sure you gonna tell me...why you've given tons of love away, why you haven't got any back in reward? Relax lah bro...belum sampai mah! Then if only you are giving love without expectation...then you can get back more than 10 times of rewards...

If you are giving love...with expectation...this is not love...but desire...lust...
I know I am talking craps...who cares?

Example, I have ignored Ally since we have broke off 4 years ago...for 3 years. Because I felt that I have given her all I had. Love, money everything...I deleted everything about her from my phone, fb, email....Even her photos. Nothing had left in my life. And we'd never spoke to each other again. There were so much hurts that I thought we would never like last time again...Until last year...I suddenly sent her an email, that I wanted to return back her watch that I have kept so long. In the email...I told her that dad has passed away, I have lost my gf things like that. After few days...I received a mail from her. Then we started to make friend again. I added her from Niu's fb acct. Started to trade ingredient from our restaurant city...but we never chat...

I didn't expect more than that...to me, this is a blessing that we could ever be friend again. Then later on...we met at her mom's house, that I know she misses Niu alot. Of course I misses BooBoo too...That was last year August. We started back our relationship as friends...Still...I found grateful. Without any expectations...

We chatted quite frequent at fb...she always know what I want. She always know when i got in trouble..and I can tell...I had never been feeling so good before...this is something beyond relationship...this is some kinda soulmate thingy...

Yes, both of us had never mentioned again what had happened to us before. Never! None of us wanted to find out....But now I can tell...we are beyond what we had before. She already has someone that she love. I never asked...and she never told. But it's alright. As long as I know she is happy. People changed. Ally changed. She is a better person now. I will always love her...nothing could ever replaced.

This is the love without expectation...now I got it rewarded from what I had...And I'm happy with the result. I love her...but without the desires and lust. Something more than just a friend...less than a partner...I feel good! Something really weird...whenever I feel down or emo...for sure I will receive her call from out of the sudden...even now I am broke, I sold my car, I sold my iPhone...but she is still there...this is too sweet to resist...this is love! I love you Ally...always!

Now...I always keeping my hope, ever since I have committed all to God, that I will meet my true love someday...just let it flow...whomever she is...I am sure it is fated.

And to you bay...allow me to call you still...to me, it's just a name. I know you've been peeping around...actually I do mind. Because it may be giving me wrong signals or what. Giving me wrong hopes...because I am still not fully recovered, Allow me to say something, do not do this just because of your loneliness...because my love to you is always true. I am thankful to you that you've finally talked to me in a polite way. The most important is that...you can really let go your hatred. (if you can). I am sorry that I have lied to your ex that I don't love you anymore...

You're a great person. It's just you're too insecure...try to love yourself more? You know when I was with you...I told myself that I would not allow you to hurt yourself under my monitoring? I know I failed...so please take care of yourself now. You still got long way to go...go prepare yourself before you met your true love...a person who is loving themselves, that only can find a true love....I will always here as I said...as a friend..a lover or more..who knows? But first...you need to figure out, how to love yourselves...

Bon jour~Mont cheri!

Feelings...

I can't hide this feeling anymore...never been so excited. No, it's like...so long never been so excited like now...

This I better go and make myself a glass of glenmorangie with soda...and slowly I will tell you. Now I deserve a drink first. Even though I am half dead already after 2 days in the battle field...

What is so lan si about? Haven't touched a sip at all since April...But today I need a drink, atleast half a bottle...hehehhe! Because...I got promoted~~ Yay!!!hoohoohoo...hahaha...bravo Bakahippo! Oh papa~~ I got promoted. Can you hear me??

Yeah! It's just a promotion...why am I feeling so high? How bout the staff of the month? Or using all your paperworks as a template for a training purposes? This is so contented.

The feeling is just like :" gua sula lapat latuk!" lolz!!!
Welcome back Bakahippo...

Dear Mr. Coke,

3 months ago...I told you I'm gonna take back whatever I've contributed to you...
Your bottles collection from overseas + money that I've paid to buy you...
The high sugar level that you've given that caused me 12 years of diabetes...

I've made my promise, that you gonna repay back...
I've been working for you since 7th of April...finally you have spotted me after 2 months exactly. Thank you...

Tomorrow is gonna be my big day...that you gonna train me and evaluate all my hardworks and contribution. I know that you are not blind, just give me what I deserved.

I am not greedy Mr. Coke, I just want a good pay. Don't promote me as I think I am more comfy with my current position... ;P

Here...let me introduce myself one more time. I am single...always. So I have more time and effort to contribute the company. I am working like a cow...strong, aggresive and hardworking...I am smart enough to borak with the clients....

So...Mr. Coke, please give me more increament.

Sincerely,

Your hardworking staff...

A quote from a good friend...

Dear Friend,

I may not be the one your choice, am not holding anything against you. It pains me to see where injustice and sadness is part of everyday life, do believe that someone will be there to call you up and say everything will be okay. Nothing heals like time. We might have our differences and you might not be ready to patch things up just yet, be sure to know that I will always be here for you. I will be ready to help you when you ask for it and be ready for you to approach me when you are ready to do so. Instead, please allow yourself to grow stronger and accept I accept you as you are. That's what true friends are for.

Thank you Nikki, it really touched me. And I believe that it could really pass this message to her as well. All I need to be now is a stronger person, to love her and protect her. And of course, to accept whatever it is...I know you can get through this hard time too. Just have a little faith in her, believe that she loves you as her best friend too. Just give her a bit more time.

I love you..

I love you bay, for more than I could give. Until my very last breath that I wanna tell u, I love you...

Hold on there, this is your life lesson that you have to learn, til you've found that you are already a better person. I will always there, as long as you call my name.

The adventures...

Can't wait to go back to see my baby niece EnEn...Cute and chubby le? This fei mui zai is my best friend's Agnes's princess. I just can't stop thinking of her, can't wait to hug her, kiss her, sniff her and...pinch her...hehehe!

Yesterday's adventures was too 'chi kek' I ended up was taking my sip of Tiger beer alone at my desktop.

Will tell the stories when I get back. Balik kampung later. Haven't packed yet. Have to go back to my office at SS19 to submit all my reports and claims then heading to Old Klang Road for my urut urut....ah~~~I've had enough of stress yesterday...

To God...

She's fine, she's happy, she's healthy, she's in joy and peace....oh God please!

像瘋了一樣。。。

想知道你是否還是一樣
有沒有學會比較堅強
你快樂的背後 有失望
你何曾在意當時我也是這樣被你傷

想明白為何對我那麼冷淡
有回來故事會不會是這樣
明知道你不會再回頭看
我還是一直以為一直以為有希望

像瘋了一樣 越想你就越心傷
我多麼愛你 卻難逃你的魔掌
像瘋了一樣 你缺少了安全感
你讓我多麼難堪 卻還是一樣把我傷

想明白為何對我那麼冷淡
有回來故事會不會是這樣
明知道你不會再回頭看
我還是一直以為一直以為有希望

像瘋了一樣 越想你就越心傷
我多麼愛你 卻難逃你的魔掌
像瘋了一樣 你缺少了安全感
你讓我多麼難堪 卻還是一樣把我傷

像瘋了一樣 越想你就越心傷
我多麼愛你 卻難逃你的魔掌
像瘋了一樣 你缺少了安全感
你讓我多麼難堪 卻還是一樣把我傷

The sweetest memories...

That I'm having in my life, was the 7 months with you. I finally have guts to read back all the post while we were together. I was smiling throughout the whole readings in my bed. So I decided to write this post although my eyes are barely open right now. It's just too excited that I wanted to write something...

Remember I said we all deserved to keep memories? No matter it has been good or bad? It's just a scar without pain by the end of the days. It reminds us to be a better person. I've found that there were more happiness compared to sadness while we were together. We might have some arguments sometimes but who doesn't? You may say that you've forgotten what we have gone through, but I just wouldn't forget for the rest of my life, because to me you are the most precious person that I love and care about. Even now and then, I shall never forget. I remember how I made you laugh, how did I managed to keep you warm. How I cheered you up. And how I learned all the sweet talks so hard to make you happy.And I also remember this icon- XD...These are all the sweetest memories to me B...I remember how we loved.

But still I found that I was not good enough to keep you feeling secure and happy. The old me was bad temper and stubborn. I thought I was good, good enough to walk with you for the rest of my life. I didn't give you any promises and I thought that you will have mutual understanding with me. I treated you as a worm in my stomach and expected you to know me everything. I pushed myself so hard to make sure that you won't compare me with the rest of your exes. But still...I have nothing different compared with them. I let you walked out of my life and didn't even brave enough to save you back.

I was having my biggest downfall ever since you have left me. I blamed it all on you. I forced myself to hate you so that I could move on. The more I pressured myself, the more miserable I was. Sooner, I have turned myself into a monster. Someone that I didn't even could recognize myself anymore. I've hurted my friends and family who loves me. Our kids are still having phobia whenever I raise my temper. I have turned KaKa into a nervous kid, even until now.

And then one day, when there was almost hopeless for everything, I told myself that I couldn't take it anymore. It is either I kill myself straight away, or I pull myself up. I read books and learned some meditation. Purpose was to cleanse away all my negative thoughts and all the traumas that I've been through. I finally found that all I have been went through, was actually the gift of my life, included you. It's God's will that wanted me to learn, to adventure what love is. To skills the power of love. Now I have found myself, the real me. Who live my life everyday with purpose. Who deserve the best. Who is loved...

Weekend ranting...

Went out with J last night. We went to Damansara Jaya and had few jugs of beers. She seems a bit moody at first she called me. So later when we met she told me that she is having her first day period, usual la...a lil bit of hormone imbalance...

Met a few friends there which I haven't seen for years, was mingling around. Then J saw a friend that we both knew as well. She started to come and chit chat with her for the whole night and left me aside. Sometimes touched my hair a while, sometimes held my hand, but the attention was still with that friend. We didn't talk much about the incident that happened few weeks ago. Just pretend nothing ever happened. After we finished the 3 jugs of beers, she told me that her friend L was asking us to go to another place. At first I was thinking maybe another pub or what, who knows it is a mini casino at ss2. I was a bit angry when I walked in and saw that kinda scenery. Cause I don't fancy all these stuff. Although there are unlimited beer supply. But it was bored. L started to lose quite alot of money, she kept swiping her card and ended up lost 18k. Imagine...how good if I've got 18k to spend instead of feeding this stupid machine. And J...also campur tangan for 'giving support'! I hate to see this and yet I was the one who drove her there so I just can't leave her there and go home. I have to wait...until she saw me fishing at the corner, then only she decided to leave...

To me, it was supposed to be another pleasant night to spend with my painkiller. But once I've seen her started to make so many excuses so that she could stay and gamble, I decided that I am not gonna take this pain killer anymore. Another thing is, she kept telling me who and who is going after her, who and who always humsup her, Ms.S wanted to patch back with her so badly.... whatever things that can possible make me jealous, I just smiles to her that's it.

Yes, I might be a vinegar pot sometimes but depend on who is that person. Wouldn't be bother so much if you don't really care about that person. She might can be a very good friend of mine, nothing else. Yes, this is my decision! And I've got no bad feelings towards my decision at all.

So while I was feeling so bored at the casino, I posted a status to my fb. Without sober, half drunk and half sleepy...I wrote: Yes I want you, but you are not the most I wanted. Not before, not presence and not in the future.

I knew she read that post. I was notified that she also posted a comment, but she has removed it as well. Although I couldn't see what she wrote, but definitely she has already angry with me. Is ok...this is what I want, right? No point to waste the time with someone that you don't love, or nothing in common with you. I just have to say...I love you J, sorry, please forgive me & thank you...The ho'oponopono...

Was kinda hung over this morning, til my alarm clock rang until burst I also didn't realize. So...I missed a day work. Supposed to be a shitty day, woke up with so much guilt. Then Anne called, said she is just at the cafe that outside of my house, with Nicole. Asked me if I wanna join. I said I had enough drinks last night and feeling so shitty. She asked me to join and eat over there. So I went. They already started to drink in the afternoon. I ordered a coffee and food. Mati mati also refused to drink no matter how they tempted me. I told them about the last night incident and some conversations that slowly brighten me up. I told Anne before, whenever I sees illuminating, I feels loved. I asked her to find a sign also. So she picked beeboobeeboo...a police car or an ambulance sound. That's how the way my bro sending her love...hahaha. Sweet though...And Nicole picked a sunny day, which is sweet also.

Just when we talked happily, I received a message from B. It's just some question that she wanted me to answer, but to me, the surprise really made my day. I was jumping up and down like crazy, I was smiling all the way til I reached home. Feeling so blessed and happy...thank you, thank you & thank you...woohoo~~~

What a wonderful day, I told her...although it was raining for the whole day. Although Nicole didn't see any clear sunny sky for few days already, although Anne don't hear any beeboobeeboo...But 3 of us was so cheerful, and we laugh all the way home.

Beautiful Tuesday...

Quack...quack...quack...(my ringtone)

Me: Arloo~~ Niu ma!
A: eh?? Niu pa...apa macam lu punya interview?
Me: ok lo...seems they quite satisfy with me lo...Have to wait for the second interview again, they said should be after the cny...
A: Oh...is everything fine, did u show your best?
Me: I've already blown very big lo...

Bla...bla...bla...

Me: Talking about your daughter ah...the 2 charsiew ah...(didn't even finished the conversation yet...)
A: Eh...I only got 1 charsiew with you ah! The small one is not from me ok?
Me: ...Then the big curly charsiew even more worst! She ate rubbish!!!
A: Ah! Talking about the big curly charsiew ah! Never live with me ok? You spoilt her!lols!!! Me good le! Cannot argue with me le?? I don't care ah! You don't beat them again ah! It's all your fault! You produced bad energy!
Me: What?? I've been very decent le...
A: I am sure because of you!
Me: Why me again? Because of you cannot meh?
A: YOU! YOU! YOU!
Me: Me lah! Don't forget your iPhone 4 is reaching my hand lo! Ngeks!!!
A: Aiyakk!! Kena tembak balik!!

Wahahhahaahhah!!! Both laugh alike...

Me: Eh babe! Tmr mau makan charsiew ah?
A: Pi lah!!! You know I don't eat pork.
Me: Ah then how come you produced pork?
A: Because her dad look like pork!!
Me: Nyah Seng!!!

Beautiful Monday...

Me: morning niu ma...
A: morning niu pa!
Me: ......
A: lols...
Me: hahaha...blush!
A: Btw, What my daughter want for CNY ah?
Me: No need la babe...She needs your love...
A: I don't see her enough, :(...


Awwww... This is too sweet to resist! XD
What a wonderful morning that melted by a beautiful lady...

等。。。

有些話妳選擇不對他說
妳說某種脆弱　我才感同身受
我永遠都願意當個聽眾
安慰妳的痛　保護著妳從始至終
就算　妳的愛　屬於他了
就算　妳的手　他還牽著
就算妳累了　我會在這
一人留　兩人疚　三人遊
悄悄的　遠遠的　或許捨不得
默默的　靜靜的　或許很值得
我還在某處守候著
說不定這也是一種　幸福的資格
至少我們中還有人能快樂
這樣就已足夠了
有些話我選擇保持沉默
別把實話說破　隱藏我的寂寞
妳的情緒依然把我牽動
躲在妳心中　角落的心事我能懂
就算　妳的愛　屬於他了
就算　妳的手　他還牽著
就算妳累了　我會在這
一人留　兩人疚　三人遊
悄悄的　遠遠的　或許捨不得
默默的　靜靜的　或許很值得
我還在某處守候著
說不定這也是一種　幸福的資格
至少我們中還有人能快樂
這樣就已足夠了
不知道　不知道　不知道
為什麼　為什麼　我的愛
我的愛還留不住妳的離開
卻總在　等帶著妳回來
一人留　兩人疚　三人遊
悄悄的　遠遠的　或許捨不得
默默的　靜靜的　或許很值得
我還在某處守候著
說不定這也是一種　
得不到的　卻美好的
至少我們中還有人能快樂
這樣就已足夠了
至少我們中還有人能快樂
這樣就已經夠了

Healing wounds...

I found a painkiller called J. It could temporary ease my pain. Let me forget about I am in pain for a while. I know this is not the best way for healing, but at least it helps a bit.

I know I should remain positive. I've got nothing to lose. All I need now is a little bit more time to digest. Acceptance is always the best medicine. Since that I have accepted who you are, I've got nothing to fear about. The love is always there, no matter how u treating me, how u look at me. Let the time prove to you the new me.

The piggie box that I sent, is actually a God Box. I've made myself one too. Whenever I am upset with something or wanna ask something from God, I will write a note and put in the box. And say thank you, God. Please take my fear or problems away. When I kept the note in the box, I will let it go. Never re-open back the notes again, unless you wanna take over the problems again from God. It helps. Anyone who is reading this should try. Just go and find yourself a box that you like, any box.

The sample of the God Box that I've made for Ally...

I cutted a hole at the top so that she could just easily slot in the notes.

Then keep in a place that you feel safe, that's it.

你快樂，所以我快樂。。。

A word to Mei...

Thank you Mei, without your help and effort, I don't think I could made this by myself. And also, I don't think that this idea would be as smooth as what it came out. Although I don't know you before. But I have never seen a shop assistant is such a great helpful and nice just like you. Thank you.

I wish you happy deliver for your coming new born baby, peace and joy. God bless...

Let's stay together

Thank you..

And you've made my day too, thank you...

Fear...

You are right West, I shouldn't fear. I shall confront it. I should give a little bit more faith and believe that I'm gonna be just fine...

It's 1.44am, what am I still doing here?

Dream a Little Dream of Me

You`re My High

This video is always my all time favorite...

Samson

三人遊

Way back into love

最近。。。

 Happy 2nd year Anniversary B... I love you.

New journey...

Started my new job. First day was on the 5th. Nothing , just feeling a bit exhausted. Still trying to adapt to it. Learn as fast as possible. As foresee now, everything seems tough, first day already heard so much of the politics, felt so much bad energies flowing around, but I have to carry on. No matter how hard it is. I want to build my better future, so lets get start here.

New office is in SS19, a memorable place. Good thing is that, I've got no more bad feelings in it. It's just a place anyways. Still missing her as usual, but I am much more in enjoying this feelings. No more pain...
Without the past experience...there will be no more new Hippo Tan, I'm just glad that I am happy with what I am now. Thank you, and I love u, B.

J call me again while I was on my way back. Asking me if I want to join her for a drink again tomorrow night. I am still considering. Recalling back what had happened last Saturday night, I am still freaking out. What have we done after a couple of drinks. I just feeling not right, it's kinda weird. I am actually single, but I'm feeling kinda unfaithful, *sweat*... Although Bees comforted me by saying that," there's no big deal big kid. It's just a kiss anyway...Why are you acting like u just got rape?" LOLZ!! Maybe a couple years back I have got no problems with handling all these kinds of stuff, it's just weird to me now.

I've been sleeping very early these days, around 11.30pm. Back to a normal life, wake up at 6am and working 6 days a week. My life is in peace like a still water...

The Reward...

It is good when you wanted to buy something special for your love ones. Especially you knowing that she is gonna love this gift so much. When I visualize it when she receive this gift, the way she smiles, that would be the best reward for me. It just melted me down.

When you care about somebody. When you feeling so presence about this love feelings. No matter how hard you wanted to find that gift, no matter how tough you have been looking for it, even google also you couldn't find it, but you will still keep searching, never give up. Never complaint about walking all over the town just to look for that stuff. Yet, end of the day, you will still smiling all the way home.

I don't expect anything in return, but I am sure you gonna smile. I already got rewarded.

只要能再有一次機會，將一生感動全部讓你擁有。

Reunited-peaches and herb

2011...my first post...

Hello 2011! I'm glad that finally you're here...too many things I wanted to say, but I just feel blanked all in the sudden.

Yes...there is no turning back, not even worth to turn back, and no point to look back also...things that happened with what so ever reason, is already a past-tense. You cannot change the fact, so darling, why don't you just accept them as the part of your history and let it go? Why you choose to let your ego to control your emotional? Yes, sometimes you might feeling regret, for what you've done. And you wanna turn back...believe you me, things will keep repeating and same problems may occur again.

What I'm trying to say is, accept the fact, forgive and let go...Do not hide the ugly feelings. Then only you can face the same person or same situation with an opened heart again...with no criticism and guilt. That you will not make the same mistakes again, because you are living with your brand new you.

I love you as who you are B. But I am begging you to love yourself, to accept yourself, to value yourself. You deserve an abundance of love, you deserve all the good things, you deserve a joyful life. You deserve someone that appreciate you as who you are, love you deeply and giving all the best to you. Look at what you are having now, family and friends that love you, a good career, your car, your house, that you can breathe, you can eat, you can buy whatever that you like, sometimes go for a small vacation, and most of all...you are healthy. No one could take away all these things that you are having right now unless you don't love yourself. And I am sure, you are not gonna get hurt again.

I always ask myself, what I really want in my life? And my answer is always you. You are the one I'm dying for...the love to you is unconditionally, and no one could ever replace. I was too fear to show all my feelings especially to all my love ones. Because I found that to show them how much I love them is to show them how weak I am. And It proven I was wrong...it was not helping me at all and I ended up lost you. My ego has sending all my love ones away from me. There is always something for us to learn in every scene in our life, and you are a very special gift to me, to learn what love really is. That is to accept who you are and heal your wounds with the abundance of love...

Do not fear, that fear would only sending all the great things away from you. Do not hurt yourself, because you don't deserve it. All you need to do is a little steps forward, open your heart and the path is always there, just for you. I know you can, I've got the faith in you. It's ok to feel happy, cause this is what you supposed to be. It's ok to feel a lil emo sometimes, I know you're brave enough to face it.

And the last thing for tonight that I wanted to say...is...I'm always here. I've never leave you alone, not even once. Just bare in mind, you're not alone. Although you don't see me anymore, you don't talk to me and you don't feel me, but I am here.

-With love...